DAY 6 review

In my endeavor to keep a daily journal in 2010, there will be some entries like this...meh

Day 5...review

For as many years as I have been writing, I have been dreaming of one day holding a book written by me in my hands. I imagined the feel of the pages flipping through my hands, the weight of the thing as I held it, the smell...you know what I mean...books have a smell all their own. So today, when my book Chosen went LIVE on Kindle, I was somewhat disappointed. The experience was not as tactile as I would have hoped...no heft, no smell, no flipping through the pages.
I bought my own book (another fantasy fulfilled)then a few friends did too...and I realized that I was a bonafide author...with sales! Okay, so I didn't get the cool letter from NY asking if I would accept a six figure advance and be open to selling the movie rights...But you know what? I am still a freaking author with sales!!!! Now to get folks to read and rate the book five-star which will lead to more sales...and more writing.

Day 4 Kindle-ing

The message after I hit send instructed me to return to the site in 48-72 hours to see if my submission had been made available to the public...I had just transmitted four years of work in less than 30 seconds to Kindle. My book may soon be selling in cyber-space...wow...talk about excited. I returned in 2 hours, 10 hours, 18 hours and then 24...ya so, I can write, but I have trouble with reading...48-72, I know...waiting now...waiting...waiting...if money actually starts to appear in my checking account in 60 days, I will actually be what I said I was going to be...a writer, who gets paid for writing.

Day 3

There is something so beautiful about the countryside when it is blanketed in new snow. Before the plows and soot transform the pristine loveliness into something drab and soul crushing, snow is really quite nice. Soon after my initial ooohing and ahhhing however, comes the realization that snow cannot stay everywhere it falls...it has to be moved, pushed, plowed, shovelled, brushed, blown, and scraped away. I have friends in Burlington, Vermont who were busy today with over 30 inches of the lovely white stuff...I am sure though that they ooohed and ahhhed for a moment before wishing they lived on the equator. Maybe.

Day 2 (Two Years Ago)

Two years ago today I was sitting on my sister's sofa, sharing a scotch with her grieving boyfriend. She had committed suicide on the day before Christmas and he had discovered her body on New Year's Day. I remember wishing he would go away and leave me to my own grief. I did not have it in me to comfort any one else at that moment. I had lost too much. I hurt too much. It was, it seemed, all about me.
In looking back on it, I think I was unfair to this poor man who had done nothing more than be unfortunate enough to fall in love with my sister, and care enough to go looking for her when she did not emerge from her apartment for several days.
I think about him every once in awhile...does he still live in that apartment beneath hers? Could he stay there after what she'd done. Does he ever look up the stairs that led to her door and recall how he'd climbed them and unlocked her door and opened it, not knowing, but knowing that she had done something so unspeakable?
Does someone else live there now? Does he visit them? Can he walk into those rooms without remembering her the way he found her? Has he healed? Can he love someone else and trust that they won't hurt him too?
I think about him at this time of year, and in the spring when her garden will be starting to show signs of life...does he still tend it like he did with her? I think about the look of anguish on his face when he talked about finding her body...I think about how I could have let him cry and listened to him talk for just a little longer, I could have held his hand when he reached it out to me on that couch...but I didn't. I didn't, and I am sorry for that.

2010 Day 1 Retrospective

The day began with the unusual occurrence of having slept in...8:44 to be exact. Our overnight guests were just rising and we shared a hearty breakfast of eggs, sausage, bacon and waffles...this will be the last post that discusses food for awhile...If I am successful at my goal of 25lbs shed in 90 days...I will not have a great deal to talk about on that subject. After a morning of indecision, we loaded ourselves into the SUV and drove to Boston for a day at the Museum of Science...I would like to mention that one needs a degree in cartography to navigate the place...we wandered aimlessly for a good hour before finding our stride with the exhibits. A brief power nap during the Planetarium exhibit "Journey to the Edge of Space and Time" (I journeyed to slack-jawed zzzzs almost as soon as I reclined in my seat) rejuvenated me enough to get enthusiastic about the Harry Potter exhibit. If you are a fan... it is a great take, if not...its a pricey look at costumes and props.I loved it, and was reminded of a young man I know who probably did too...I am sure he's been at least once already. Two things I found amusing at the MOS...the Transparent Woman has been on display at the Museum for over 40 years...I remember going on a special field trip when she was a new arrival...she had her own room and presenter...it was cutting edge technology and we 3rd graders were all a little giddy looking at the insides of her plastic breasts and reproductive system ...now the poor old woman has a corner of the Human Body hall and she seems sort of pathetic when her organs light up. And the second amusement came in the form of a mullet...a really long mullet...you really would have had to be there.
Some more indecision and hunger pangs and then off to Regina's...if you are really hungry and don't want to spend an arm and a leg...Regina's rocks. Try the eggplant rollatini...mmmmm. Two attitude-adjusting cosmos and a big salad improved my mood, but reminded me of the year end revelry the night before and my need for sleep. Headed home with my guests and fell asleep within moments of climbing into bed...all in all a great 1st day of a new decade...I was kept busy and distracted...no time to remember why I hate this day...thanks to Anna, Roxanne and Gary...I love you.

Goodbye to Bad Rubbish

My Nana, (the woman for whom I am named) said "Goodbye to Bad Rubbish" whenever we lost something we cared for that wasn't good for us...stuff, habits, people. It was a saying meant to show that we were better off somehow for the loss. She was right about some of the stuff, most of the habits, and a few of the people.
As this year and decade draw to a close, I am compelled to repeat her words, with a few notable exceptions. The decade was not a happy one for me, not that I knew I was unhappy through most of it, just the way it played out...apparently I was miserable. So, goodbye to bad rubbish...and farewell to some really good people.
Several goodbyes were tough, my sister, my marriage, my home...several hellos were a salve to those wounds...God and Newsong and all of the wonderful people there; Sage Elizabeth Holden, my beautiful granddaughter; Roxanne... I don't know how we just met this decade as we have travelled in the same circles since we were teenagers, but so glad we did... I know I am leaving out so many wonderful things and people here, but the point is, that whenever we lose something, it empties our hands to recieve...that is how awesome God is...so on to 2010 and the new decade...and a new chance to overcome the past.